Hvorfor udstille sig selv?

Jeg har lært så ufatteligt meget om livet det sidste års tid. Først og fremmest har jeg lært, at en livskrise kan komme fra alt ligefra stress, depression, sygdom, skilsmisse, barnløshed til at miste en der står os nært. Nogle kriser tager flere år at komme igennem, nogle kortere, men alle efterlader ar og spor, og giver os et mere nuanceret syn på livet.Jeg har valgt at dele min rejse med alle dem, der har lyst til at følge med, hvilket rigtig mange har svært ved at forstå – det er jo meget personligt. Jeg udstiller mine svagheder og min sårbarhed for alle, og hvorfor dog gøre det??! Først og fremmest har jeg aldrig følt skam over mine følelser eller mine svagheder – dem har vi jo alle. Nogen kan også tro det er for at få medlidenhed, men medlidenhed betyder jo rent faktisk at andre lider med mig – og det ønkser jeg absolut ikke. Men jeg har altid haft et stort behov for at blive forstået – jeg har stadig tilgode at finde ud af hvorfor! Jeg har også et stort ønske om at forstå mennesker omkring mig, og derfor holder jeg også utroligt meget af at være sammen med mennesker, som omvendt også har lyst til at dele det personlige med mig.

Til at begynde med skrev jeg for at få tankerne ud af hovedet – når jeg skriver føler jeg at tingene bliver bearbejdet. Det er som om tankerne bliver sat i system og ind på en hylde. Jeg føler mig lettet når jeg har skrevet. Grunden til at jeg så valgte at dele det på en blog var faktisk i første omgang, at jeg håbede det kunne hjælpe min familie, venner og andre, som har kontakt med mig, til bedre at forstå. Jeg tænkte at hvis de bedre forstod mig, så ville de have nemmere ved at tage kontakt til mig og være sammen med mig. Hvis en af mine venner blev ramt af sygdom ville jeg have 1000 spørgsmål og nogle kunne man måske være bange for at stille, da man ikke kender reaktionen. At bloggen så ikke i særlig høj grad har virket som jeg håbede er en helt anden historie.

At dele min rejse på de sociale medier har lært mig og givet mig så uvurderligt meget, som jeg ikke på nogen måde havde forventet. Jeg har fået kontakt til en masse dejlige mennesker, som også er i en krise. Jeg har aldrig mødt dem, men alligevel har vi så meget til fælles, og vi forstår hinanden uden at skulle forklare en masse. Det er svært at forstå, hvis man ikke har oplevet det, og nogen kan endda synes det virker overfladisk, når vi skriver støttende beskeder til hinanden. Jeg har gang på gang oplevet at modtage lange private beskeder med erfaringer, ros, gode råd, kærlige spark i røven, og masser af tanker og kram. Og det at nogen vil bruge mere end 1 min. af sin dyrebare tid på at støtte og hjælpe mig, på trods af vi aldrig har mødt hinanden, er for mig så langt fra overfladisk man overhovedet kan komme. Og omvendt så har det givet mig så meget glæde, når jeg nogle gange har kunne give noget igen. Det har faktisk i mange tilfælde været den lille ting, der gør at min dag bliver fyldt med glæde frem for sorg. Vi kan alle hjælpe, støtte og inspirere hinanden, fordi følelserne, tankerne og kampene meget ofte er de samme, uanset hvilken krise vi går igennem.

Jeg finder også en ubeskrivelig ro ved at følge andre kronikeres hverdag, og se at det er de samme udfordringer de står med. Vi mennesker sammenligner os selv med de mennesker vi omgås, og det er bare sundere for mig at sammenligne mig med andre kronikere. Hvis jeg udelukkende sammenligner mig med mennesker i min omgangskreds, så vil jeg da kun blive mere deprimeret, for de har andre livsvilkår end mig – ofte livsvilkår som jeg misunder. Jeg har fundet en kæmpe fordel ved de sociale medier (Instagram), som jeg ikke tidligere har oplevet. Her kan vi alle finde ligesindede og føle, at vi ikke er alene om de udfordringer vi står overfor i livet. Om det så er et fælleskab af kronikere, religiøse, homoseksuelle, ensomme, handikapede, så kan hvert fællesskab hjælpe og støtte hinanden ved at være åbne og ærlige, hvis vi vel at mærke har lyst til at opsøge det.

Vi kan bekræfte hinanden i, at vi ikke er alene om de følelser og tanker vi har. Og vigtigst af alt kan vi inspirere hinanden til at finde det positive liv på trods af modgang.

Nogen mener også, at jo mere fokus man har på sygdommen og smerterne, jo mere vil det fylde. Jeg er da også ret overbevist om at jeg i denne tid giver min sygdom meget fokus, men lige nu har mit liv bare ikke ret meget andet indhold. Jeg er sikker på, at når jeg forhåbentlig kan arbejde igen og komme mere ud så vil fokus på sygdommen blive mindre. Men at blogge om et liv med sygdom/smerter og følge andre i samme situation har for mig været en læring ifht. at håndtere det bedre. Jeg har lært en masse af dem jeg følger, men jeg er også ret bevist om, at fokus skal være på det positive. Men samtidig kan det ikke hjælpe noget, at man vælger udelukkende at dele alt det positive. Gennem de sociale medier får vi et indblik i andres liv, vi spejler os i andre mennesker, sammenligner og værdisætter os selv i lyset af andre. Netop derfor er jeg meget modstander af kun at dele det “perfekte” for livet er på ingen måde perfekt for nogen som helst. Jeg er stor fan af alle dem, der har været med til at sætte fokus på det uperfekte (især på Instagram). Jeg sammenligner det lidt med 70’ernes frigørelse. Man vælger bevidst ikke at følge samfundets forventninger/normer og istedet føler man sig befriet ved at vise det uperfekte liv.

Jeg har lært en anden og meget vigtig ting, som jeg faktisk gerne vil råbe højt om, fordi jeg håber du vil huske den, efter du er klikket videre. Mange af de mennesker jeg har ”mødt” på de sociale medier er udadtil enormt forskellige fra mig, og jeg ville nok aldrig have mødt en stor del af dem, hvis det var ude i den virkelige verden. Udelukkende fordi jeg udfra første indtryk ikke ville tro, vi havde noget til fælles. Selvom vi syner forskellige, så har vi alle noget til fælles, hvis vi bare er lidt mere nysgerrige på hinanden og lidt mindre dømmende. Vi kender ikke hinandens historier og baggrunde for vores handlinger. Her kommer nogle helt banale eksempler. Du ser en ung mand sidde i en fyldt bus. Ved siden af står en gammel dame, og den unge mand rejser sig ikke for hende. Folk omkring ham begynder at hviske grimme ting. Hvad ingen kan se er, at denne mand har kroniske smerter i ryggen, og han kan ikke holde til at stå op og slet ikke i en kørende bus. Hvis manden havde haft krykker eller gips på benet ville det være en anden sag. Men hans smerter er usynlige. Et andet eksempel. En familie er ude og spise på en restaurant, hvor der er tag-selv-softice til dessert. Drengen på 12 år laver sin is med chokoladekrymmel på toppen. Pludselig skriger han og bliver meget sur, og vil have en ny is. Moderen siger straks, at han bare skal lave en ny. Folk omkring tænker sikke en forkælet møgunge og sikke en curling mor. Hvad ingen kan se er, at drengen har OCD. Han tog en skefuld chokoladekrymmel på sin is, men der var ved en fejl kommet lidt farvet krymmel med. Moderen kender sin dreng og ved at han i forvejen er presset, fordi han er ude blandt mange mennesker. Hun har faktisk gjort en kæmpe stor indsats for overhovedet at få ham med. Vi er alle forskellige og vi kender ikke hinandens livsvilkår eller historie.

Døm aldrig andre uden at kende deres historie, men tal istedet med mennesker du normalt ikke ville opsøge og bliv klogere på livet.

Jeg har fået så utroligt meget positivt ud af at dele mine rejse – meget mere end jeg i min vildeste fantasi havde troet. Så kan det godt være der sidder nogen og synes det er forkert at dele så meget af sit personlige liv. Men igen er vi alle så forskellige, og Gud ske tak og lov for det.

Tak fordi du læste med 😊
Kærligst Zinna

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138 kommentarer

  1. Vi lever jo heldigvis i et frit land, vi kan skrive hvad vi vil OG vi kan læse hvad vi vil. Så dem der ikke kan li lugten i dit bageri kan jo bare gå til et andet Jeg ved godt at sådan er virkeligheden ikke og der sidder sikkert nogle og læser med blot for at forarges og måske endda skrive negative kommentare til dig og de kan være svære at fordøje i en allerede svær hverdag men det siger så meget mere om dem end om dig. Jeg er lykkelig for at der findes modige og ærlige kvinder som dig. Du har hjulpet mig mere end du aner som ny i denne møj verden af kroniske smerter viser du mig at det er muligt at leve videre og vigtigst af alt du giver mig fornemmelsen afbatbjeg ikke er alene Så tak for det. Hilsen en af dem der ikke har modet til at vise det uperfekte

    1. Tusind tak for din besked – jeg bliver så glad og rørt. Det er simpelthen så livsbekræftende at vide jeg kan hjælpe nogen med det jeg gør.
      Jeg har heldigvis ikke modtaget negative kommentar (endnu) og ligegyldig hvor mange jeg ville få, så vil jeg fortsætte så længe jeg har noget på hjerte, og så længe der bare er en enkelt jeg kan hjælpe.
      Det er jo helt ok ikke at have modet til st vise det uperfekte. Det vigtigste er at det uperfekte bliver ok for dig selv og at du ikke føler du skal leve op til et eller andet ideal.
      Jeg ønsker dig alt det bedste på din rejse❤️

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