Jeg vandt 4-3 i dag

I dag er bare en af de dage hvor kampen mod smerterne er hård. Dem er der desværre en del af for tiden☹️

Vågnede i morges med smerter i hele kroppen efter en hård nat. Min søvn er flere gange afbrudt af smerter og svedeture. Abstinenserne efter udtrapning af morfinen er heldigvis stort set væk bortset fra lidt svedeture om natten. Jeg står op og går min morgentur med Balou (vores hund). Nogle dage kan denne gåtur gøre mirakler, men desværre ikke i dag. Jeg har ikke energien til at tage et bad i dag og heller ikke til at tage en pæn skjorte på, så det blev en Nike sweatshirt og håret i en knold. 1-0 til smerterne!

Kan mærke at smerterne giver mig kamp til stregen i dag, men jeg nægter at blive hjemme fra arbejde. Så jeg kæmper mig igennem 3 timer på arbejde. Jeg udligner hermed til 1-1! Mange dage kan jeg sætte facaden på og smile og grine lidt med kollegaerne, men ikke i dag. Tror at de fleste kunne se at smerten var stærk i dag. Men det handler meget om at føle at jeg stadig har lidt kontrol og magt over mit liv på trods af smerterne.

Henter børnene på vej hjem og forsøger at skjule min smerte og frustration for dem. Heldigvis er Søren tidligt hjemme i dag og jeg kan trække mig og tage et hvil. Det bliver til 3 timer i sengen før jeg har samlet kræfterne til at tage magten over smerterne igen. 2-1 til smerterne! Søren, Freya og jeg går en tur med Balou og selvom det er mega hyggeligt, så kan jeg ikke være 100% nærværende. Men det at jeg kommer afsted gør at jeg udligner til 2-2! Smerterne går helt ned i fødderne i dag og hvert skridt stikker helt op i rygraden. Efter en times tid med familien må jeg igen lægge mig i sengen. Min dejlige mand tilbyder at servere aftensmad på sengen til mig, og det var lige hvad jeg havde brug for. Men nu står der desværre 3-2 til smerterne! Nu ligger jeg her i sengen kl. 20.15 og tænker hvordan jeg kan udligne og vinde dagens kamp og få lidt positivt på kontoen. Så nu vil jeg gå ind og læse godnathistorie for mine børn. Er tilbage om lidt……

Så er jeg tilbage efter en dejlig halv time med mine skønne unger. Det er vist helt sikkert en udligning til 3-3 og en masse positiv energi på kontoen. Klokken er nu 21 og jeg vil ind og ligge lidt op af min mand i sofaen og se om jeg kan smigrer mig til lidt massage😉

Har flere gange i dag haft en uimodståelig trang til at tage morfin for at købe mig et lille lufthul, men så har jeg igen ikke kontrollen – ved jo det er gift for min krop. Jeg holdt mig i skindet og nøjes med nervepillerne i dag. Så slutresultatet må være 4-3 til mig💪🏼👊🏼👏🏼

Og det gode er at i morgen kan næsten kun blive en bedre dag🙏🏼

Tak fordi du læste med 😊
Kærligst Zinna

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