Min affære med M

Jeg mødte M første gang i dec. 2016. Han kunne give mig en følelse som ingen anden – han fik mig til at svæve på en lyserød sky og glemme alle mine bekymringer. Intet kunne slå mig ud nu – jeg var pludselig uovervindelig. Det var intet mindre end fantastisk, og det føltes som det mest rigtige at gøre for mig selv. Jeg fortjente det, syntes jeg! Det første halve års tid var ubeskriveligt og jeg følte jeg havde fået et nyt liv. Ingen havde før fået mig til at føle som ham.

Men den rus og lykke følelse han gav mig i starten blev ikke ved med at være lige så kraftig – jeg havde brug for mere og mere for at få den samme følelse. Så jeg begyndte at se ham mere.

Konsekvenserne ved dette forhold begyndte med tiden at gå op for mig, selvom jeg absolut ikke ville erkende det. Jeg kunne risikere at miste min mand og børn og samtidig indså jeg, at det ikke ville være nemt at komme ud af dette forhold.

Efter at have set andre miste deres familie efter sådan en affære tog jeg en hård beslutning om at gøre det forbi med M. Forholdet var efterhånden også blevet ret kompliceret. Jeg havde mere og mere brug for ham, men han gav mig alligevel ikke længere den fantastiske følelse jeg fik i starten.

Efter 1 års tid besluttede jeg at afslutte forholdet til M. Jeg viste det ville blive enormt svært og jeg ville komme til at savne den følelse han kunne give mig. Det var ikke HAM jeg ville savne, men det at han fik mig til at glemme alle mine bekymringer og føle mig fri. Kunne jeg fungere uden ham? Jeg vidste inderst inde godt, at det mest fornuftige ville være at stoppe det hurtigst muligt. Det tog over en måned at slippe ham helt, og der gik længe inden han ikke var i mine tanker mere. Jeg følte tit jeg havde brug for ham, men turde ikke risikere at blive tryllebundet igen.

Da jeg først havde sluppet ham helt var det en befrielse. Jeg mærkede mig selv og livet igen – det gjorde ondt, men det var alligevel det bedste for mig. Jeg skulle ikke længere bekymre mig om konsekvenserne og jeg følte mig fri igen.

Hvis ikke du allerede har gennemskuet det, så kan jeg fortælle, at dette er min historie om at blive afhængig af det smertestillende morfinpræparat Tramadol (M står for Morfin).

Tak fordi du læste med 😊

Kærligst Zinna

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