Nu kører det sgu….

Kan du se hvor glad og taknemlig jeg er? I dag har virkelig været en af de mest positive dage jeg har haft i hele 2018. Ja, du læste rigtigt! Min dag har været fyldt med positivitet og glæde – jeg er faktisk helt høj. Det er gået op for mig i dag, at jeg har vendt pilen på min kurve opad, og at jeg faktisk skal klappe mig selv på skulderen for det skyldes til dels mit hårde arbejde.

Dagen startede som den plejer med at familien bliver klar og tager afsted på arbejde/i skole. Efter de er sendt afsted går jeg en tur med Balou – vejret var skønt i dag med blå himmel og solskin. Jeg stoppede op, og nød solen i mit ansigt mens jeg tog nogle dybe indåndninger – energien fyldte mig. Dejlig start på dagen☀

Jeg har den sidste måneds tid truet med at tage en tur i svømmehallen, men hver gang har smerter eller manglende energi stoppet mig. I dag SKULLE det være og jeg tænkte at jeg ville forkæle mig selv lidt ekstra og tog derfor i DGI Huset. Den stod på en lille svømmetur efterfulgt af boblebad, dampbad, infrarød sauna, koldtvandsbassin og saunagus. Min krop elskede mig for det.

En gammel spinning kollega var også til saunagus og vi falder i snak. Det viser sig at hun også er blevet opereret for en diskusprolaps, kæmper med rygsmerter og ligesom mig derfor er tvunget til uønsket jobskifte. Ligeså trist som det er, ligeså heldig føler jeg mig over at vi stødte på hinanden i dag.  Det er så befriende at tale med nogen som kæmper de samme kampe – der er en forståelse uden man behøver forklare en masse. Vi har rigtigt meget til fælles, og jeg tror vi kan få meget ud af hinandens selskab. Er allerede i gang med at aftale næste gang vi skal mødes til selvforkælelse i DGI.

Fik et godt langt hvil inden jeg skulle til afsluttende møde med psykologen som har kørt det Smertehåndteringshold som jeg har deltaget på gennem kommunen. Mødet var en evaluering af forløbet og mit udbytte af det. Det var lidt som at være til skole-hjem samtale, bare uden min mor. Jeg blev rost for at deltage aktivt i undervisningen, bidrage positivt og være åben overfor de andre på holdet. Hun bad mig forklare hvad jeg har fået ud af forløbet, og her kommer det:

Jeg har lært meget om min krop, og hvordan kroniske smerter påvirker resten af kroppen og hjernen. Det har fået mig til at indse at alle de symptomer og skøre tanker jeg har haft faktisk er helt naturlige reaktioner – jeg føler mig ikke tosset længere, jeg er helt NORMAL! Jeg har lært min krops begrænsninger at kende, og jeg har dermed fået kontrol over mine smerter. Jeg ved hvad jeg kan gøre for at begrænse smerterne, og selvom det ikke er fedt at jeg skal ligge i sengen 4-7 timer om dagen, så er det sgu MIG der bestemmer over smerterne. Jeg har for første gang i 14 år lyttet til min krop og tilpasset mig dens behov. Jeg føler nu ikke længere min krop er min fjende – jeg føler faktisk vi er begyndt at samarbejde. Jeg har lært at planlægge mine dage, og lave en hård prioritering af hvad mine få ressourcer skal bruges på. Og meget vigtigt: Jeg er faktisk blevet ret realistisk omkring hvor meget jeg kan. Og sidst men ikke mindst så er jeg kommet meget langt ifht. at acceptere min situation og det nye liv der venter mig. Jeg ved at jeg med min fighter vilje kan forme et liv hvor jeg kan være lykkelig på trods af smerterne.

For 2-3 mdr. siden (inden forløbet startede) udfyldte jeg to spørgeskemaer – de samme som jeg skulle udfylde i dag. Spørgsmål hvor man skal vurdere hvordan man har haft det de sidste 2 uger. Hun analyserede resultatet og fortalte mig, at det faktisk var en depressions- og en trivselstest. Jeg blev faktisk skræmt af resultatet af testen for knap 3 mdr. siden. Den viste dengang at jeg havde en svær depression og at jeg mistrivedes – kan også huske jeg stortudede hele den time jeg sad med hende. I dag viste testen ingen tegn på depression og på trivsel havde jeg rykket mig fra 20 til 48 point, hvor den tipper over på trivsel ved 50 point. Resultatet er jeg faktisk ret stolt af. Jeg fik meget ros for at kunne rykke mig så meget på under 3 mdr. Hun mente jeg var meget begavet og ekstremt god til at omsætte teori og øvelser til real life – hold nu op hvor jeg sluger det i mig, keep ’em coming🤣🤣

Nå, men den gode dag stopper ikke her. En god vendinde, som jeg desværre ikke har set alt for længe kom også lige forbi med smukke blomster og en masse krammer. Det var da lige prikken over i’et på en perfekt dag.

Og nu tør jeg endelig efter over en uge med fremgang på både smerte- og energifronten fortælle jer, at jeg tror sgu min krop begynder at reagere positivt på AB kuren. Jeg har ikke turde tro på det eller sige det højt, men nu har det stået på i over en uge, så jeg vælger at tro at det går den rigtige vej nu. Om det er er medicinen, laserbehandlingen, min egen psyke eller en kombi der er skyld i det ved jeg ikke, men det vigtigste er bare at det går fremad.

Jeg var faktisk inviteret til både fødselsdag ved min smukke niece og hygge med gamle kolleger her i aften, men som jeg skrev er jeg blevet god til at planlægge. Det betød desværre at jeg måtte takke nej til begge ting. I morgen skal jeg nemlig på Smerteklinikken inkl. 2 timers kørsel. Det ved jeg kræver at jeg lader op og er frisk. Det er skide surt, men jeg er blevet bedre til at fokusere på det positive og glæde mig over at jeg blev inviteret og at jeg heldigvis ser disse dejlige mennesker en anden dag.

Og til sidst vil jeg dele en dejlig besked jeg fik i dag. At skrive indlæg til min blog er selvterapi for mig, men at jeg kan hjælpe andre på vej er så uendeligt meget værd for mig. Jeg er så mega glad for alt den positive feedback jeg har fået på min blog fra gamle folkeskolevenner, gamle kolleger, gamle bekendte, kollegaer, venner, familie (I ved hvem I er) og folk jeg slet ikke kender, men som også kæmper med smerter. Det betyder mere end I aner❤

Jeg håber også du har haft en dejlig dag og nu vil jeg falde til ro og dyrke den taknemlighed der fylder mig lige nu.
Og mit motto igen (så I aldrig glemmer det): WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER💪🏼

Tak fordi du læste med 😊
Kærligst Zinna

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