Om at miste sin identitet……

Hun kæmper en kamp hver dag for at klare sig igennem livet. Hun føler sig utilstrækkelig – at hun ikke slår til. Hun føler sig som en dårlig mor for hendes 3 små børn. Hun har konstant dårlig samvittighed. Hun føler ingen forstår hende. Og hun føler ikke der er en vej ud af det – for det ville jo være et personligt nederlag at bukke under for smerterne og lytte til kroppen. Vi græd sammen. Hun græd fordi det var en lettelse at møde en der forstår hende. Jeg græd fordi jeg kunne se mig selv i hende og vidste præcis hvor slemt det er at være lige der.

Man ved inderst inde godt, at det ikke går i længden, og at man kan risikere at kollapse når som helst. Men man nægter at bukke under. At nå til erkendelsen er første skridt mod et bedre liv, men det er så ubeskriveligt svært at se når man står der og ikke kan overskue konsekvenserne af at skulle sætte sit helbred som første prioritet.

Vi fik en længere snak om værdier i livet, og hvad der ville betyde noget for os, den dag vi ligger på vores dødsleje og funderer over det liv vi har levet. Vi kender jo alle svaret, men hvorfor skal det så være så skide svært at prioritere os selv og vores helbred. Det skyldes helt sikkert flere ting. Men jeg tror det har meget at gøre med det samfund vi lever i i dag, og de forventninger der er til os.

Hvis man blev syg i gamle dage tænker jeg, at den største bekymring var hvordan man skulle klare det økonomisk. I dag er det selvfølgelig også en bekymring, men jeg fornemmer ikke længere det er den største bekymring. Der er i dag en forventning om, at vi skal præstere og vise resultater for at have en værdi i samfundet. De fleste af os identificerer os med vores arbejde – hvem er vi hvis ikke vi længere kan sige vi er lærer, sygeplejerske, arkitekt, direktør eller advokatsekretær? Hvordan ville du forklare hvem du er, hvis du ikke kan nævne din beskæftigelse?

Når man pludselig ikke længere kan kende sig selv – man kan ikke længere besidde sit job, og måske kan man endda heller ikke fortsætte med sine fritidsaktiviteter, så mister man ikke kun sin identitet, men man mister også et fællesskab. Vores tilhørsforhold til bestemte mennesker eller grupper ophører, og vi føler os meget alene. Vores forestilling om hvem vi er falder fra hinanden.

Når vi mister identitetsfølelsen pga. en livskrise, bliver vi ekstremt utryg og sårbar. Vi må forvente at skulle igennem en længere sorgproces – det er som at miste sin bedste ven – en del af os selv. Men netop denne situation rummer en mulighed for at ‘genopfinde sig selv’ eller finde sig selv på et dybere niveau end blot en fancy stillingsbetegnelse. Det kan jeg se nu, hvor jeg er på den anden side, men det er umuligt at se, når vi stadig kæmper hver dag for at bevare vores identitet og ikke engang er nået til erkendelsen af behovet for livsændringer.

Når vi har erkendt behovet for at lytte til vores helbred og tager nogle valg om at ændre livet – rent ud sagt siger fra og sygemelder os, så har vi nået erkendelsen. Her starter sorgprocessen, og hvis vi er i stand til at arbejde os igennem sorgprocessen, hvilket ofte kræver professionel hjælp, så kan det bringe os i kontakt med en dybere forståelse af os selv. For at nå dertil kan vi bl.a. arbejde med vores livsværdier.

Hvad giver mit liv værdi? Hvad gør mig lykkelig? Hvilket liv vil jeg gerne huske tilbage på, når jeg sidder på plejehjemmet? Hvem gør mig glad? Hvem giver mig indhold i livet?

Om du er syg eller rask, så er jeg sikker på det vil berige dit liv at tage tid til at fundere over disse spørgsmål. Men hvorfor er det så, der skal en livskrise til før vi stopper op og finder den dybere mening med livet? Det er desværre nok bare et spørgsmål om, at vi som raske lever en meget travl hverdag og slet ikke har tid til at stoppe op. En dag tager den næste og vi er fanget i hamsterhjulet. Pludselig er der gået 10, 20 år og hvad var så den større mening med det hele? Vi har simpelthen ikke haft tid til at stoppe op.

Tænk at jeg kan sidde her nu og faktisk være taknemmelig for, at jeg blev tvunget til at stoppe op og vurdere mit liv. Hvis ikke jeg havde kollapset havde jeg fortsat i det neverending hamsterhjul. Jeg er faktisk nået til et punkt hvor jeg er blevet ret egoistisk. Og med det mener jeg, at jeg hele tiden prioriterer min tid ifht. om det giver mig livsglæde. Så er det jo så heldigt, at det også giver mig livsglæde at være noget for andre. Dermed håber jeg ikke andre ser mig som egoistisk.

Tak fordi du læste med 😊
Kærligst Zinna

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99 kommentarer

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