Stiller du også alt for høje krav til dig selv?

Jeg har her til morgen endelig haft lidt overskud og fik gået en tur i skoven. Det gik op for mig, at det er meget lang tid siden – førhen var jeg afsted hver eller hver anden dag. Jeg indså i dag, at jeg siden sommerferien har været ret presset, og at jeg igen er havnet i en følelse af, at jeg bare overlever, men ikke LEVER livet. For 4 måneder siden lovede jeg netop mig selv, at det ikke måtte ske igen. Indlægget fra april “Mine tanker om at LEVE livet (med smerter)” kan læses her.

Så nu er det sgu på tide jeg får fjernet lortet på styret – og i stedet får styr på lortet😉 Det slog mig, at min mand og jeg de sidste mange år (med meget modgang) bare har skiftedes til at holde hinanden oppe og forsikret hinanden om, at det nok skal blive bedre når vi lige er igennem det her…. eller næste år…. eller…. Men vi har endnu ikke oplevet en længere periode, hvor hverdagen kørte og vi ikke skulle kæmpe med sygdom, stress, dødsfald i familien, børn der ikke trives osv. Jeg har fået nok af at håbe på tingene bliver bedre eller nemmere, for det er der jo i realiteten ingen garanti for. Selvom mange siger til os, at nu må det snart være vores tur til at blive skånet lidt, så dukker der sgu alligevel altid noget nyt op. Dette skal ikke opfattes som en klagesang eller et tegn på jeg er endt i offerrollen – nej, tværtimod!! Disse tanker får mig til at indse, at vi skal have opbygget en hverdag, hvor vi kan rumme sygdom, børn med særlige behov osv. Det kan jo ikke hjælpe noget vi (over)lever på et håb, om at tingene bliver bedre engang.

Så jeg er nu igang med at gøre mig nogle tanker, om hvordan vi kan flytte vores hverdag fra følelsen af overlevelse og håb om noget bedre, til en hverdag med accept af situationen og med fokus på glæde og nærvær på trods. Men det hele skal afbalanceres. Vi har de sidste 9 mdr. holdt os meget for os selv. Vi har haft så meget at kæmpe med, at der ikke har været ret meget overskud til vores familier og venner. Glæden er forsvundet sammen med overskuddet. Jeg tror det handler meget om, at vi skal ændre vores vaner og tankemønstre. Og det vil være urealistisk og tro vi kan ændre det hele fra i morgen.

Jeg har derfor fået en idé…… Og nej, jeg har ikke opfundet den nye dybe tallerken🤔 Jeg ved bare fra bitter erfaring, at vi er nødt til at sætte nogle realistiske mål og lave nogle aftaler. Andre kan måske bare lave en mundtlig aftale også er det fikset. Men det virker ikke for mig/os. Min svageste side er, at jeg stiller enormt høje krav til mig selv og det liv jeg lever. Jeg går med konstant dårlig samvittighed over, at jeg ikke både kan have et karrierejob, være den enormt pædagogiske og rummelige mor, være den gode husmor og sexede kone, planlægge sociale arrangementer for vennerne, holde overdådige familiefødselsdage, planlægge spændende søndagsture ud i det fri, lave sund og nærende mad og træne min krop sund og stærk og…og…og… Disse tanker er så ødelægggende og gør, at jeg kun i meget korte perioder af mit liv er oprigtigt tilfreds – altså sådan på alle fronter. Tror faktisk rigtig mange har samme problem i større eller mindre grad, også flere end dem der indrømmer det. Men det er klart når man bliver udfordret på helbreddet, og man fysisk ikke længere kan leve op til alle de krav man havde til sig selv da man var rask, så rammer den altså hårdt. Men det skal sgu være løgn!!

Det er på tide jeg ændrer mine tankemønstre. Jeg vil starte med at skrive alle mine krav til mig selv ned. Da jeg skrev dem lige et par linjer længere oppe kunne jeg mærke, at det var godt at få dem “sagt højt”. Det kommer lige pludselig til at virke så latterligt og total urealistisk (for hvem som helst) at leve op til alle disse krav🙈 Bagefter vil jeg gennemgå dem og vurdere hvilke krav, der rent faktisk betyder noget for MIN EGEN og MIN FAMILIES livsglæde. Derefter tror jeg det vil være en god idé at omformulere dem der er tilbage, så kravene bliver rimelige og opnåelige, også skal der selvfølgelig prioriteres hvilke der er vigtigst at starte med.

Det kommer til at tage tid, men jeg tror på det er første step til at skabe en hverdag, hvor vi kan rumme modgangen og være lykkelige i det. Nu er første opgave på plads og den er til at overskue. Måske du også stiller for høje og urealistiske krav til dig selv? Måske du vil lege med? Kunne være så fedt, hvis vi kunne heppe lidt på hinanden👏🏼

Let the magic begin….🤗 To be continued…..

Kærligst Zinna

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